Your kid is going to school every day, completing assignments, competing in sports, working, doing all the things. And on top of this, they have what feels like a full-time job: applying to college. With just over a week before the November 1 Early Action deadline, the stress is mounting. Here’s how I advise my clients’ parents and how I try to parent my own (occasionally crazed) senior.
THE MIDDLE GROUND
You don’t want to micromanage your kid’s college process. You probably don’t have the time anyway. But a “hands off/my kid’s got this” approach can also be problematic. Applying to college is complicated. Filling out the Common App. Writing the essay. The supplements. Then all those little confusing questions for each school. It’s a lot. And it’s high stakes. Your job is to find a way to support your kid while still empowering them to take ownership of the process.
ASK THE MAGIC QUESTION: HOW CAN I HELP?
When I see my own kid starting to spiral, I ask: “What can I do to help you?” This tells her that a) I recognize she’s struggling, b) that I’m making myself available to assist her, and c) I’m putting her in the driver’s seat rather than taking control.
Maybe she’s struggling to figure out how to set priorities with so many competing deadlines and obligations. Or she could be stuck on a topic for a supplement or worried about how to film her Glimpse video (don’t get me started). If there’s some way I can help her, I will. I’m not going to do it for her. But I will sit with her. I will listen to her. If there’s something I can take off her plate, I will.
SET LIMITS
Even the kid who’s never missed a homework assignment is going to flail at some point during this process. You may need to insist your kid skip a party or a game or (gasp!) even a day of school so they can knock out their applications ahead of the deadline. Nobody wants to argue with their kids. But sometimes parenting requires us step in and insist they carve out time to get important things done. They will be so happy when they see those green check marks indicating their applications are complete.
THESE SKILLS WILL SERVE THEM WELL
While college applications seem like a “right now” task, your kid is actively learning lessons they will rely on for the rest of their lives. Learning to prioritize, execute tasks, manage time in creative ways, and accept support . . . these are the skills that will help them navigate college and whatever comes next. The applications are just the beginning.
